Saturday, April 16, 2011

This & That :)

Alrighty then, let's get this thing going before I lose my motivation to write and lose any coherent thoughts I'd like to share with The Interweb....

So.

I'm putting off cleaning Eliza's fish bowl in a big way. I'm estimating that 1/2 of the water in the bowl has evaporated, and the other 1/2 is brownish/orange. I cannot figure out how that fish (Dora) is still alive and how it's friend (Boots) bit the dust after only 1 month. Seriously, this fish will not die! Have you ever looked at a fish bowl when you're cleaning it? Don't. Also, go ahead and hold your breath the whole time, too, because it is STANKY. And by the way, goldfish are DISGUSTING: swimming around in, and drinking your own poop-water? Have some self-respect, Dora.

Here's something else: I now have MONO. I always had this image in my head of the word "mono" and it looked something like a person dragging themselves around with giant frowns & bags under their eyes, or someone in the fetal position under the covers. As it turns out, that image is entirely accurate.

But.

As I was falling asleep after getting confirmation that I did, indeed, have mono, the Lord very quickly & gently reminded me (as He always does!) that 1). this 'health issue' was not dangerous or fatal, 2). the remedy for it is REST [hello! awesome!], 3). I am in an incredibly-blessed position of not having to work or be a single parent through this period of time, and 4). I have an amazing husband who truly delights in serving me & the kids. God is so patient with me! How could I possibly complain or whine, when SO many people I know and love are struggling with far greater burdens?

Apparently, though, all of THAT was just God warming up.....

A day or two later, I had a lot of time to think [as it turns out, resting/laying around comes with bunches of that] about my new reality of having to take life a little more slowly. You know when you've had one of those lay-around-all-day-in-your-pjs/don't-do-anything-productive/don't-shower/don't-clean-up kind of days, and you feel disgusting?

What's that now? No, you're NORMAL?

Well.

When the idea of me being able to do very little more than what's essential for surviving w/ two little ones settled in as a gloomy idea, God quietly asked me, "Why, Allison? Why is the idea of you doing very little more than what is necessary so depressing for you? Doesn't that 'permission' to relax sound ideal for most? Haven't I provided a loving husband, precious children, hosts of friends & family to support you, a comfortable home, and the freedom to stay home--all creating a gentle environment in which you can recover?"

I was humbled a little more, but still desperately wanted to be able to have some "challenge" to my days, and also fiercely wanted to serve others. To which, the Lord said, "This is your Sabbath rest, Allison. I'll keep the world spinning; your job is to trust me to do My job."

I've struggled for so long with OCD/perfectionism, and I know it all hinges on my inability to fully believe my perfection lies in Christ. God spoke directly to that, saying, "As a human, perfection is impossible. I am perfect, though, and I extend that to you through Jesus. You MUST be satisfied in MY glory; I am fully capable of perfection, and MY plan (which involves your surrendered rest and being served by others) is perfect."

I'm amazed at how deep His mercy is, how vast His grace is, and how deep His love is for me......

How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One,
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocing voice,
Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that helf Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I knoww that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast inJesus Christ
His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom