I just have to say....
Adam and I reached a very sobering moment in our lives this evening. It was 9pm, we were both in our pajamas, and I was folding laundry. Adam was flipping through the channels and left it on American Idol while he went to get a drink (which, by the way, is very often hot tea), so I glanced up at the screen, and blurted, "Who ARE these kids, anyway?" real cynical-like.
But THEN, I realized it: the joke's on ME! I blew off American Idol once Simon left and haven't looked back. But when I DID look back, not only did I not know one contestant, I didn't know any of the songs, nor could I have told you who was going to be in the judges' seats! And since when did Ryan Seacrest's hair get so big?!
Oh, sweet mercy. Then it all started falling apart...I had visions of Mom Jeans heading straight for me, and actually choosing to do most of my shopping at Christopher & Banks (no offense to any of you ladies who frequent there). I mean, really? Does anyone ever HOPE to one day have tastes in clothes that typically are part of a matching set, and almost always include an elastic waistband and some kind of embroidery?
I reminded Adam that he, too, was also susceptible to the ugly reality of aging: in the past year, he's confessed that he not only doesn't enjoy really gory, or superhero-laden movies, but he also hesitates to "go for it" when he plays sports; that the risk of injury is too much! And remember the hot tea in the evening? TEA, people!
By the end of our conversation, though, we had decided that old people may be on to something: think of the freedom of your clothes always being comfortable, never feeling pressure to be trendy (a lost cause by then), and just realizing how the cycle of "stuff" goes (want stuff, save money to buy stuff, spend too much money on the stuff, get bored with stuff, run out of room to put new stuff, give stuff away for free. repeat.). Maybe being old's not so bad...
Oh, Mom Jeans. Please be gentle.....and take your time!
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Here's some things....
I feel like I need to post simply as a courtesy to my sweet friend, Allison, whose picture and read-all-about-me-being-single blog post has been what's welcomed all of you 2 (two) readers for the past year-ish.
So, here are some things, currently:
1). I'm pretty sure that the "scholarships" given to the Miss America pageant winners are waaaayyyy less than the actual amount of money they spent on their gowns/makeup/hair for the pageant itself. Hmm. Tricky.
2). I think we might (might!) make it through this winter without any significant snowstorms at all! Sweet mercy, what a beautiful gift that would be.
3). I haven't left the house in over 48 hours. By choice.
4). I'm wondering how & why we've waited so long to join Netflix. Seriously?! $8/month to pick any shows you want to instantly watch? Sold!
5). My short-term memory is becoming unreliable at an alarming rate......although, how can you really know how bad your memory is, if you never realize what you've forgotten? Chew on THAT one.
6). Our TV schedule is getting a little overwhelming and even keeping up with TiVo is becoming exhausting! We regularly watch New Girl, Modern Family, The Middle, Up All Night, 30 Rock, Parks & Rec, The Office, Survivor, SNL, Curb Your Enthusiasm, and Flight of the Conchords. That's a lot of entertainment, folks.
7). Does anyone watch American Idol anymore? Besides my parents?
8). Weight Watcher-ing starts in the morning! There. Now I'm accountable to all 2 (two) of you readers. :)
9). As soon as I figure out how to use my mom's camera that she permanently loaned to me, I'll post some pictures to jazz this place up a bit.
10). From now on, no proofreading posts: just look for red underlined words, then hit "publish."
Doneso. (Spellcheck underlined that one)
So, here are some things, currently:
1). I'm pretty sure that the "scholarships" given to the Miss America pageant winners are waaaayyyy less than the actual amount of money they spent on their gowns/makeup/hair for the pageant itself. Hmm. Tricky.
2). I think we might (might!) make it through this winter without any significant snowstorms at all! Sweet mercy, what a beautiful gift that would be.
3). I haven't left the house in over 48 hours. By choice.
4). I'm wondering how & why we've waited so long to join Netflix. Seriously?! $8/month to pick any shows you want to instantly watch? Sold!
5). My short-term memory is becoming unreliable at an alarming rate......although, how can you really know how bad your memory is, if you never realize what you've forgotten? Chew on THAT one.
6). Our TV schedule is getting a little overwhelming and even keeping up with TiVo is becoming exhausting! We regularly watch New Girl, Modern Family, The Middle, Up All Night, 30 Rock, Parks & Rec, The Office, Survivor, SNL, Curb Your Enthusiasm, and Flight of the Conchords. That's a lot of entertainment, folks.
7). Does anyone watch American Idol anymore? Besides my parents?
8). Weight Watcher-ing starts in the morning! There. Now I'm accountable to all 2 (two) of you readers. :)
9). As soon as I figure out how to use my mom's camera that she permanently loaned to me, I'll post some pictures to jazz this place up a bit.
10). From now on, no proofreading posts: just look for red underlined words, then hit "publish."
Doneso. (Spellcheck underlined that one)
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Who's that girl?
So, here’s the thing:
It goes without saying that I’m not the most regular blogger, and that the content is usually lacking in the excitement department. But if you’ve somehow stumbled across this blog, you’re in for a treat, reader.
Kelly is hosting a link party over at her blog, as part of a Show Us Your Life series, and today’s bloggers are invited to post about their single friends.
[Please read this in the most non-cheesy tone of voice possible]
I met Allison (32 y/o) through my sister, Sarah, who lived in Lexington, KY, and I honestly don’t know one single person like her who has managed to balance both intense devotion to Jesus’ callings worldwide and an attitude of unpretentious living in the US.
Allison’s heart hungered for MORE than a 40-hour work week in the business sector, and MORE than just serving in multiple ministries at her church. God clearly spoke to that hunger and challenged her to get a bit “radical,” sell [most] of her worldly belongings, raise LOTS of money, and take part in a mission experience called The World Race, in 2008. After spending two years traveling the entire world, seeing and experiencing things that could only be described as miracles, and learning how to live with, and manage a large group of people, Allison joined forces with the company that launched the mission team she traveled with. She’s currently a staff member with a mission-launching team in Atlanta, and makes occasional international trips to encourage, support, manage and invest her heart in teams worldwide.
Shew.
Enough of the facts. :)
Whoops, forgot one more thing: Alli’s salary comes from the fundraising she does through her support network. Which basically = ridiculous faith in God for EVERYTHING, and she makes it look EASY!
Fun stuff:
Alli is quite possibly the most laid-back, hilarious person I’ve ever hung out with. It takes a lot to ruffle the girl’s feathers, and she just doesn’t take life, or herself, too seriously. For the past 3 years, Allison’s spent a week with our family at the beach, and is just so easy to be around—she graciously changes kids’ diapers, cleans up after dinner, keeps the kids entertained, without ever being asked. She has more energy and joy than any grown up I know, and her stories make me laugh until I hurt! Alli loves running, riding horses, Starbucks, and is, a complete goofball who, in general, is always up for ANYthing!
Alli has so much spiritual wisdom that she gladly shares, but never badgers anyone with. She’s covered in grace, patience and love, and is refreshingly honest about her own shortcomings.
I know that the Lord is shaping and preparing a Godly man to share life with her, and who knows—I’m pretty sure God is down with using the Web to make His job a little easier. :) Leave a comment & your contact info!
It goes without saying that I’m not the most regular blogger, and that the content is usually lacking in the excitement department. But if you’ve somehow stumbled across this blog, you’re in for a treat, reader.
Kelly is hosting a link party over at her blog, as part of a Show Us Your Life series, and today’s bloggers are invited to post about their single friends.
[Please read this in the most non-cheesy tone of voice possible]
I met Allison (32 y/o) through my sister, Sarah, who lived in Lexington, KY, and I honestly don’t know one single person like her who has managed to balance both intense devotion to Jesus’ callings worldwide and an attitude of unpretentious living in the US.
Allison’s heart hungered for MORE than a 40-hour work week in the business sector, and MORE than just serving in multiple ministries at her church. God clearly spoke to that hunger and challenged her to get a bit “radical,” sell [most] of her worldly belongings, raise LOTS of money, and take part in a mission experience called The World Race, in 2008. After spending two years traveling the entire world, seeing and experiencing things that could only be described as miracles, and learning how to live with, and manage a large group of people, Allison joined forces with the company that launched the mission team she traveled with. She’s currently a staff member with a mission-launching team in Atlanta, and makes occasional international trips to encourage, support, manage and invest her heart in teams worldwide.
Shew.
Enough of the facts. :)
Whoops, forgot one more thing: Alli’s salary comes from the fundraising she does through her support network. Which basically = ridiculous faith in God for EVERYTHING, and she makes it look EASY!
Fun stuff:
Alli is quite possibly the most laid-back, hilarious person I’ve ever hung out with. It takes a lot to ruffle the girl’s feathers, and she just doesn’t take life, or herself, too seriously. For the past 3 years, Allison’s spent a week with our family at the beach, and is just so easy to be around—she graciously changes kids’ diapers, cleans up after dinner, keeps the kids entertained, without ever being asked. She has more energy and joy than any grown up I know, and her stories make me laugh until I hurt! Alli loves running, riding horses, Starbucks, and is, a complete goofball who, in general, is always up for ANYthing!
Alli has so much spiritual wisdom that she gladly shares, but never badgers anyone with. She’s covered in grace, patience and love, and is refreshingly honest about her own shortcomings.
I know that the Lord is shaping and preparing a Godly man to share life with her, and who knows—I’m pretty sure God is down with using the Web to make His job a little easier. :) Leave a comment & your contact info!
Saturday, April 16, 2011
This & That :)
Alrighty then, let's get this thing going before I lose my motivation to write and lose any coherent thoughts I'd like to share with The Interweb....
So.
I'm putting off cleaning Eliza's fish bowl in a big way. I'm estimating that 1/2 of the water in the bowl has evaporated, and the other 1/2 is brownish/orange. I cannot figure out how that fish (Dora) is still alive and how it's friend (Boots) bit the dust after only 1 month. Seriously, this fish will not die! Have you ever looked at a fish bowl when you're cleaning it? Don't. Also, go ahead and hold your breath the whole time, too, because it is STANKY. And by the way, goldfish are DISGUSTING: swimming around in, and drinking your own poop-water? Have some self-respect, Dora.
Here's something else: I now have MONO. I always had this image in my head of the word "mono" and it looked something like a person dragging themselves around with giant frowns & bags under their eyes, or someone in the fetal position under the covers. As it turns out, that image is entirely accurate.
But.
As I was falling asleep after getting confirmation that I did, indeed, have mono, the Lord very quickly & gently reminded me (as He always does!) that 1). this 'health issue' was not dangerous or fatal, 2). the remedy for it is REST [hello! awesome!], 3). I am in an incredibly-blessed position of not having to work or be a single parent through this period of time, and 4). I have an amazing husband who truly delights in serving me & the kids. God is so patient with me! How could I possibly complain or whine, when SO many people I know and love are struggling with far greater burdens?
Apparently, though, all of THAT was just God warming up.....
A day or two later, I had a lot of time to think [as it turns out, resting/laying around comes with bunches of that] about my new reality of having to take life a little more slowly. You know when you've had one of those lay-around-all-day-in-your-pjs/don't-do-anything-productive/don't-shower/don't-clean-up kind of days, and you feel disgusting?
What's that now? No, you're NORMAL?
Well.
When the idea of me being able to do very little more than what's essential for surviving w/ two little ones settled in as a gloomy idea, God quietly asked me, "Why, Allison? Why is the idea of you doing very little more than what is necessary so depressing for you? Doesn't that 'permission' to relax sound ideal for most? Haven't I provided a loving husband, precious children, hosts of friends & family to support you, a comfortable home, and the freedom to stay home--all creating a gentle environment in which you can recover?"
I was humbled a little more, but still desperately wanted to be able to have some "challenge" to my days, and also fiercely wanted to serve others. To which, the Lord said, "This is your Sabbath rest, Allison. I'll keep the world spinning; your job is to trust me to do My job."
I've struggled for so long with OCD/perfectionism, and I know it all hinges on my inability to fully believe my perfection lies in Christ. God spoke directly to that, saying, "As a human, perfection is impossible. I am perfect, though, and I extend that to you through Jesus. You MUST be satisfied in MY glory; I am fully capable of perfection, and MY plan (which involves your surrendered rest and being served by others) is perfect."
I'm amazed at how deep His mercy is, how vast His grace is, and how deep His love is for me......
How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure
How great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One,
Bring many sons to glory
Behold the Man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocing voice,
Call out among the scoffers
It was my sin that helf Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I knoww that it is finished
I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast inJesus Christ
His death and resurrection
Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom
So.
I'm putting off cleaning Eliza's fish bowl in a big way. I'm estimating that 1/2 of the water in the bowl has evaporated, and the other 1/2 is brownish/orange. I cannot figure out how that fish (Dora) is still alive and how it's friend (Boots) bit the dust after only 1 month. Seriously, this fish will not die! Have you ever looked at a fish bowl when you're cleaning it? Don't. Also, go ahead and hold your breath the whole time, too, because it is STANKY. And by the way, goldfish are DISGUSTING: swimming around in, and drinking your own poop-water? Have some self-respect, Dora.
Here's something else: I now have MONO. I always had this image in my head of the word "mono" and it looked something like a person dragging themselves around with giant frowns & bags under their eyes, or someone in the fetal position under the covers. As it turns out, that image is entirely accurate.
But.
As I was falling asleep after getting confirmation that I did, indeed, have mono, the Lord very quickly & gently reminded me (as He always does!) that 1). this 'health issue' was not dangerous or fatal, 2). the remedy for it is REST [hello! awesome!], 3). I am in an incredibly-blessed position of not having to work or be a single parent through this period of time, and 4). I have an amazing husband who truly delights in serving me & the kids. God is so patient with me! How could I possibly complain or whine, when SO many people I know and love are struggling with far greater burdens?
Apparently, though, all of THAT was just God warming up.....
A day or two later, I had a lot of time to think [as it turns out, resting/laying around comes with bunches of that] about my new reality of having to take life a little more slowly. You know when you've had one of those lay-around-all-day-in-your-pjs/don't-do-anything-productive/don't-shower/don't-clean-up kind of days, and you feel disgusting?
What's that now? No, you're NORMAL?
Well.
When the idea of me being able to do very little more than what's essential for surviving w/ two little ones settled in as a gloomy idea, God quietly asked me, "Why, Allison? Why is the idea of you doing very little more than what is necessary so depressing for you? Doesn't that 'permission' to relax sound ideal for most? Haven't I provided a loving husband, precious children, hosts of friends & family to support you, a comfortable home, and the freedom to stay home--all creating a gentle environment in which you can recover?"
I was humbled a little more, but still desperately wanted to be able to have some "challenge" to my days, and also fiercely wanted to serve others. To which, the Lord said, "This is your Sabbath rest, Allison. I'll keep the world spinning; your job is to trust me to do My job."
I've struggled for so long with OCD/perfectionism, and I know it all hinges on my inability to fully believe my perfection lies in Christ. God spoke directly to that, saying, "As a human, perfection is impossible. I am perfect, though, and I extend that to you through Jesus. You MUST be satisfied in MY glory; I am fully capable of perfection, and MY plan (which involves your surrendered rest and being served by others) is perfect."
I'm amazed at how deep His mercy is, how vast His grace is, and how deep His love is for me......
How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure
How great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One,
Bring many sons to glory
Behold the Man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocing voice,
Call out among the scoffers
It was my sin that helf Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I knoww that it is finished
I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast inJesus Christ
His death and resurrection
Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Someone Grab A Bucket....
That's right: it's 'blog vomit,' Round Two. Seeing as how my bff Rachael confirmed to me that a) someone other than me reads this blog and b) I am as hilarious as I thought, I decided to stick with a formula that works.
I'm not sure why it's taken me so long to realize this, but Conan is now on at 11pm, which means I will NEVER be forced to watch the local late news again. I know that this blog is read internationally, so for readers who aren't familiar with H-town, the news lineup goes something like this: begin with arrests, drug confiscations, murders, robberies and domestic violence incidents, segue into the failing economy and how many jobs have been lost that day, move on to how horribly unhealthy our state is, and wrap it up with a nice segment on national research studies that show how breathing air may or may not cause cancer and also how every single choice we make in our lives is (possibly) killing us.
Conan is a guarantee WIN compared to local news (and 98% of other 11pm programming).
I really, really, really stink at sewing. Although I'm blaming tonight's frustration and poor outcomes on my mom's cranky sewing machine. Seriously? There's wayyyyyy more than enough attitude in this house coming from my kids. I sure don't need it coming from a machine that is--hello!--replaceable. Although, I think all of the hand-stitching I had to do is the culprit behind the intermittent numbness in my left index finger.
I think I'd love to sleep for approximately 3.2 days, straight. Not only would I be more rested than EVER, I would probably also lose weight, I'd have an insane amount of energy, and I could avoid having to plan/make/serve/clean up 3 days' worth of meals. However, I'm pretty sure it would look like our house exploded if Adam was taking care of the kids for 3 straight days. After 2 hours of him alone with them, I can usually see 2% of the hardwood floors in my house, and generally neither kid is still fully clothed.
I love my Sunday School class.
I'm so tired--I think I'll try going to bed at the same time the kids do tomorrow night.....which means I'll probably be awake at 4am; at which point you'll probably find another delightful post much like this. Get excited, y'all
The end.
PS Why is the show called "Tosh.0"? Anyone?
PPS Is Daniel Tosh gay or not? Does anyone REALLY know for sure? (And don't check Wikipedia, because it's not decisive on the matter; I already checked it.)
PPPS Which reminds me.....someday, I'd like to edit an article on Wikipedia just for fun. According to Michael Scott, "Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject. So you know you are getting the best possible information." So wise. :)
I'm not sure why it's taken me so long to realize this, but Conan is now on at 11pm, which means I will NEVER be forced to watch the local late news again. I know that this blog is read internationally, so for readers who aren't familiar with H-town, the news lineup goes something like this: begin with arrests, drug confiscations, murders, robberies and domestic violence incidents, segue into the failing economy and how many jobs have been lost that day, move on to how horribly unhealthy our state is, and wrap it up with a nice segment on national research studies that show how breathing air may or may not cause cancer and also how every single choice we make in our lives is (possibly) killing us.
Conan is a guarantee WIN compared to local news (and 98% of other 11pm programming).
I really, really, really stink at sewing. Although I'm blaming tonight's frustration and poor outcomes on my mom's cranky sewing machine. Seriously? There's wayyyyyy more than enough attitude in this house coming from my kids. I sure don't need it coming from a machine that is--hello!--replaceable. Although, I think all of the hand-stitching I had to do is the culprit behind the intermittent numbness in my left index finger.
I think I'd love to sleep for approximately 3.2 days, straight. Not only would I be more rested than EVER, I would probably also lose weight, I'd have an insane amount of energy, and I could avoid having to plan/make/serve/clean up 3 days' worth of meals. However, I'm pretty sure it would look like our house exploded if Adam was taking care of the kids for 3 straight days. After 2 hours of him alone with them, I can usually see 2% of the hardwood floors in my house, and generally neither kid is still fully clothed.
I love my Sunday School class.
I'm so tired--I think I'll try going to bed at the same time the kids do tomorrow night.....which means I'll probably be awake at 4am; at which point you'll probably find another delightful post much like this. Get excited, y'all
The end.
PS Why is the show called "Tosh.0"? Anyone?
PPS Is Daniel Tosh gay or not? Does anyone REALLY know for sure? (And don't check Wikipedia, because it's not decisive on the matter; I already checked it.)
PPPS Which reminds me.....someday, I'd like to edit an article on Wikipedia just for fun. According to Michael Scott, "Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject. So you know you are getting the best possible information." So wise. :)
Monday, March 14, 2011
Stream of Consciousness
I thought about titling this post "Blog Vomit" but I thought that might be a little strong for the 2 readers of my blog. But I think it's probably more accurate for what's about to happen in this post. I'm really tired of THINKING I need to blog, but just putting it off until I have the time and energy (and a half-decent idea for the content) at the same time. So, watch out...here it comes.....random thoughts, being spewed, if you will, out of my brain and on to the Interweb. Should be exciting.....
It hurts to breathe right now. And swallow. I should probably just go to bed, but seeing as how I slept 2 hours during the kids' naps and then slept another hour after coming home from the doctor (oh, right: and the THREE 32-oz. diet cokes I had today--seriously, that's the only thing that helped my sore throat. Get off me.), I don't think I'll be sleeping until next week. But if I stay awake, I'm going to have to eat something. Everything hurts to eat, though, and the food is WAYYYYY over there in the kitchen. Think I'll just sit here and watch another episode of House Hunters...
Everyone in our house is on antibiotics except for Adam, who is scheduled to have surgery on Wednesday. Hope he stays healthy until then...
Something smells like baby puke somewhere near me.....last night when I smelled something funky, it turned out to be me. Sorry, world: I don't shower every 24 hours. But apparently I should aim for something closer to that number.
Laundry is torturous. WHY do you keep harassing me, Laundry? Go away, Laundry. Forever. Can't wait till the kids are old enough to carry laundry baskets down the steps. I'll start on training them tomorrow.
I think it's funny to look at little kid toys that have smiling faces, and see them strewn all over the floor, all dejected-like. I feel like that if they could talk, they'd say, "Don't believe this smile on my face. I'm hurting inside! Look at me! I've been violated by a 12 month-old and left under the TV!" Kind of like Toy Story 3, where the toys get abused and are all upset about it.
Did you ever notice how many voice overs Tim Allen and John-what's-his-name (the dad from Roseanne) do? Also, do you all like to try & determine if the person's voice in a commercial is someone famous? (And of course, when I say "you all," I mean "you two").
I've never been to Fat Patty's. I hope to fix that soon. Crap. I'm hungry again.....better go dig around for some applesauce....
The end.
It hurts to breathe right now. And swallow. I should probably just go to bed, but seeing as how I slept 2 hours during the kids' naps and then slept another hour after coming home from the doctor (oh, right: and the THREE 32-oz. diet cokes I had today--seriously, that's the only thing that helped my sore throat. Get off me.), I don't think I'll be sleeping until next week. But if I stay awake, I'm going to have to eat something. Everything hurts to eat, though, and the food is WAYYYYY over there in the kitchen. Think I'll just sit here and watch another episode of House Hunters...
Everyone in our house is on antibiotics except for Adam, who is scheduled to have surgery on Wednesday. Hope he stays healthy until then...
Something smells like baby puke somewhere near me.....last night when I smelled something funky, it turned out to be me. Sorry, world: I don't shower every 24 hours. But apparently I should aim for something closer to that number.
Laundry is torturous. WHY do you keep harassing me, Laundry? Go away, Laundry. Forever. Can't wait till the kids are old enough to carry laundry baskets down the steps. I'll start on training them tomorrow.
I think it's funny to look at little kid toys that have smiling faces, and see them strewn all over the floor, all dejected-like. I feel like that if they could talk, they'd say, "Don't believe this smile on my face. I'm hurting inside! Look at me! I've been violated by a 12 month-old and left under the TV!" Kind of like Toy Story 3, where the toys get abused and are all upset about it.
Did you ever notice how many voice overs Tim Allen and John-what's-his-name (the dad from Roseanne) do? Also, do you all like to try & determine if the person's voice in a commercial is someone famous? (And of course, when I say "you all," I mean "you two").
I've never been to Fat Patty's. I hope to fix that soon. Crap. I'm hungry again.....better go dig around for some applesauce....
The end.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
....Because I Love to Laugh Until it Hurts
There are fewer things in this life that make me happier than laughing at people making fools out of themselves. Mostly because I'm SO glad I'm not the only one screwing up publicly left and right!
Anyway, YouTube has to be one of the things I am most grateful to have in this wonderful Information/Technology Age, because it gives people like me access to watch endless amounts of falling down and/or sticking feet in mouths. :)
Over the years, my favorites have been piling up, and I've been meaning to post a Top 10 list somewhere on The Internets to share with y'all and save you the time of digging around or waiting on someone to send you a link to a viral video to make your day. And here we are, in no particular order:
1. My Name is John Daker
2. But...he's gay!
3. Miss America
4. Worst Olympic Trial Ever
5. Model Falls Down
6. Auto Tune the News
7. Baby Talking at Dinner
8. Guy Sings 5 Octaves
9. Pinky the Cat
10. Scarlet Takes a Tumble
11. The Way
PS You should be aware that if you are pregnant, or otherwise have a full bladder, it's in your best interest to use the bathroom before viewing these videos.
Anyway, YouTube has to be one of the things I am most grateful to have in this wonderful Information/Technology Age, because it gives people like me access to watch endless amounts of falling down and/or sticking feet in mouths. :)
Over the years, my favorites have been piling up, and I've been meaning to post a Top 10 list somewhere on The Internets to share with y'all and save you the time of digging around or waiting on someone to send you a link to a viral video to make your day. And here we are, in no particular order:
1. My Name is John Daker
2. But...he's gay!
3. Miss America
4. Worst Olympic Trial Ever
5. Model Falls Down
6. Auto Tune the News
7. Baby Talking at Dinner
8. Guy Sings 5 Octaves
9. Pinky the Cat
10. Scarlet Takes a Tumble
11. The Way
PS You should be aware that if you are pregnant, or otherwise have a full bladder, it's in your best interest to use the bathroom before viewing these videos.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Overheard... [A Forgotten Post]
Okay, this is crazy: I just realized I never posted this, which I wrote over a year ago and fully intended to edit/add to. It's so funny to re-read where we were and what life with Eliza was like, just before Owen was born. Read on and enjoy...:)
I think I say it to myself every 6 months, but I really love this phase that Eliza's in right now. The good thing about her speech becoming so clear is that we can have so much fun with her; the bad thing about her speech still not being perfect is that she unleashes her fury when she is not understood! Of course, the daughter of a speech therapist has little tolerance for a mother who can't find a way to communicate effectively with her. :) Here are some things we HAVE been able to understand lately that have made us laugh:
[As Adam is getting her bath ready]
Me: Adam, I think Eliza's not feeling so hot, so you may want to make bathtime short.
Adam: Eliza, are you feeling a little bit sick?
Eliza: Mm-hmm...I'm sick of MOMMY.
Amen, Eliza. Amen. I'm sick of being Mommy, too....and after a day like today, you're not exactly my very favorite person right this moment, either.
[Earlier, I had goofily told Eliza that it makes Mommy happy when she sings the song "Jingle Bells" .....This exchange was again, at bathtime, once she realizes I'm the one bathing her that night...]
Eliza: Daddy?
Me: Daddy went to his soccer game, honey. Mommy's doing bathtime tonight.
Eliza: I no like Mommy help me with bath.
Me: Oh, Eliza, that makes Mommy very sad.
Eliza: [with head down, scowling, under her breath] Jingle Bells.
[In Adam's bathroom downstairs, Eliza comes running in after me]
Eliza: [stares at me for a moment as I do my business] Momma no have a wee-wee.
Me: No, Eliza, Mommy doesn't have a wee-wee.
Eliza: Dada have a wee-wee, Ben and Jakey have a wee-wee.
Me: Yes, Eliza, boys have wee-wees, but not girls.
Eliza: Not Mommy and Eliza! No have no wee-wees. [And runs out of the bathroom]
[In the car, riding in silence while she eats a snack]
Eliza: Mama big.
Me: Yes, Eliza, Mommy IS big. ( Thanks for that. )
Eliza: Eliza is little, teeny-tiny.
Me: Yep, Eliza. I'm very big. You're very little.
[The morning after Adam and I returned from a false labor scare at the hospital]
Adam: Eliza, Mommy and Daddy went to the hospital last night because baby Owen's going to be here soon!
Eliza: [pauses and thinks for a moment] I'm so happy! Eliza going to be a big sister!
Adam: Yeah, Eliza, that's right. Mommy's home today, but she doesn't feel very good, so we have to take care of her.
Eliza: [grunting, with her arms in front of her] Ughhhh....she's so heavy!!
[All of us playing quietly in the basement one evening]
Eliza: What was that noise?
Me: What noise? I didn't hear any noises.
Eliza: Momma tooted! ( to be clear, I did NOT toot )
Me: Mommy didn't toot, Eliza! I think you tooted!
Eliza: No, I no toot.
[And as she walks past me, I catch a whiff of a fresh, crop-duster toot straight from Eliza's bottom. :) ]
There are so many more things that are share-worthy that just don't translate well in writing, or even second-hand through conversation, but suffice it to say that Eliza's much more entertaining as a companion these days!
I think I say it to myself every 6 months, but I really love this phase that Eliza's in right now. The good thing about her speech becoming so clear is that we can have so much fun with her; the bad thing about her speech still not being perfect is that she unleashes her fury when she is not understood! Of course, the daughter of a speech therapist has little tolerance for a mother who can't find a way to communicate effectively with her. :) Here are some things we HAVE been able to understand lately that have made us laugh:
[As Adam is getting her bath ready]
Me: Adam, I think Eliza's not feeling so hot, so you may want to make bathtime short.
Adam: Eliza, are you feeling a little bit sick?
Eliza: Mm-hmm...I'm sick of MOMMY.
Amen, Eliza. Amen. I'm sick of being Mommy, too....and after a day like today, you're not exactly my very favorite person right this moment, either.
[Earlier, I had goofily told Eliza that it makes Mommy happy when she sings the song "Jingle Bells" .....This exchange was again, at bathtime, once she realizes I'm the one bathing her that night...]
Eliza: Daddy?
Me: Daddy went to his soccer game, honey. Mommy's doing bathtime tonight.
Eliza: I no like Mommy help me with bath.
Me: Oh, Eliza, that makes Mommy very sad.
Eliza: [with head down, scowling, under her breath] Jingle Bells.
[In Adam's bathroom downstairs, Eliza comes running in after me]
Eliza: [stares at me for a moment as I do my business] Momma no have a wee-wee.
Me: No, Eliza, Mommy doesn't have a wee-wee.
Eliza: Dada have a wee-wee, Ben and Jakey have a wee-wee.
Me: Yes, Eliza, boys have wee-wees, but not girls.
Eliza: Not Mommy and Eliza! No have no wee-wees. [And runs out of the bathroom]
[In the car, riding in silence while she eats a snack]
Eliza: Mama big.
Me: Yes, Eliza, Mommy IS big. ( Thanks for that. )
Eliza: Eliza is little, teeny-tiny.
Me: Yep, Eliza. I'm very big. You're very little.
[The morning after Adam and I returned from a false labor scare at the hospital]
Adam: Eliza, Mommy and Daddy went to the hospital last night because baby Owen's going to be here soon!
Eliza: [pauses and thinks for a moment] I'm so happy! Eliza going to be a big sister!
Adam: Yeah, Eliza, that's right. Mommy's home today, but she doesn't feel very good, so we have to take care of her.
Eliza: [grunting, with her arms in front of her] Ughhhh....she's so heavy!!
[All of us playing quietly in the basement one evening]
Eliza: What was that noise?
Me: What noise? I didn't hear any noises.
Eliza: Momma tooted! ( to be clear, I did NOT toot )
Me: Mommy didn't toot, Eliza! I think you tooted!
Eliza: No, I no toot.
[And as she walks past me, I catch a whiff of a fresh, crop-duster toot straight from Eliza's bottom. :) ]
There are so many more things that are share-worthy that just don't translate well in writing, or even second-hand through conversation, but suffice it to say that Eliza's much more entertaining as a companion these days!
Monday, February 8, 2010
Worst Movies Ever Made
After watching one of the worst movies I've ever seen over the weekend, I started thinking about just HOW many bad movies are out there, and how many of them I've seen. After polling The Facebook for suggestions/reminders of movies I have been forced to sit through (but then tried my hardest to forget), I've come up with a list of what I consider to be some top-notch stinkers you should save your money and time on:
1. The Break-Up --not funny, as it was marketed
2. Ghosts of Girlfriends Past--knew it was going to be bad, but watched it with family anyway....next up: how to get 2 hours of my life back....
3. Failure to Launch--didn't even make it through the first 20 minutes. Again with the Matthew McConaughey...
4. Very Bad Things--title says it all.
5. He's Just Not That Into You--honestly, this only makes the list because of how truly sad and just....true...it is; doesn't deserve romantic COMEDY status.
6. Dan In Real Life--again; depressing and not very funny, like you'd expect from the one and only Steve Carell.
7. Leatherheads.....thought that "Jim" from The Office would save this one. He didn't. It was terrible.
8. Pirates of the Caribbean 3 - "Wait.....what?" was my thought throughout the entire movie.
Easy to see from my list that a movie fails BIG time with me if it's marketed as hilarious, but is suspiciously missing the funny. It makes me feel betrayed and believe me, when this mama actually MAKES it to the theater and takes out a loan to buy movie tickets and snacks, she does NOT like to be not-laughing at a movie that's supposed to entertain to no end. I do realize, though, that I've set the bar pretty high, as I myself am pretty hilarious. Any others that should make this list?
1. The Break-Up --not funny, as it was marketed
2. Ghosts of Girlfriends Past--knew it was going to be bad, but watched it with family anyway....next up: how to get 2 hours of my life back....
3. Failure to Launch--didn't even make it through the first 20 minutes. Again with the Matthew McConaughey...
4. Very Bad Things--title says it all.
5. He's Just Not That Into You--honestly, this only makes the list because of how truly sad and just....true...it is; doesn't deserve romantic COMEDY status.
6. Dan In Real Life--again; depressing and not very funny, like you'd expect from the one and only Steve Carell.
7. Leatherheads.....thought that "Jim" from The Office would save this one. He didn't. It was terrible.
8. Pirates of the Caribbean 3 - "Wait.....what?" was my thought throughout the entire movie.
Easy to see from my list that a movie fails BIG time with me if it's marketed as hilarious, but is suspiciously missing the funny. It makes me feel betrayed and believe me, when this mama actually MAKES it to the theater and takes out a loan to buy movie tickets and snacks, she does NOT like to be not-laughing at a movie that's supposed to entertain to no end. I do realize, though, that I've set the bar pretty high, as I myself am pretty hilarious. Any others that should make this list?
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Don't get too excited.....deliriously boring post ahead!
Okay, I’ve sat down to write this blog at least 30 times in the past 3 months…..well, I’ve at least mentally sat down to write it, but alas, nothing. I was motivated until I watched the movie Julie & Julia, a true story about a lady who blogs daily about making every one of Julia Child’s recipes from her first cookbook of French recipes. The movie was okay, but in one scene, she and her husband have a fight, because the blog is taking over her thoughts and their conversations. From her husband’s point of view, the blog and her followers have turned her into a narcissistic, self-absorbed person that he is annoyed to be around. At one point, he called her out, saying the thought of herself as “the center of the universe” and that her readers would “commit mass blogger suicide” if she didn’t post one day.
For some reason, that scene kept sticking with me every time I opened my computer to sit down and write another blog. What was/is my purpose in blogging? I remember reading the first blog I had ever seen and thought, “Holy crap! This person is journaling online! For the whole world to read!” Oh, how times have changed, and people journal online daily. More than that, people subscribe—I subscribe—to people’s “journal entries”, and most of them, I’ve never met! How bizarre, this information age we live in…..
I’ll be the first to admit that there are many bloggers out there who have really cool inspirations for their blogs; my friend Joy blogs about her personal goals that are listed on the sidebar of her blog, several friends I know blog once a week to update their far-off relatives about the highlights of their family’s weeks, some blog to keep the masses of prayer warriors updated on their loved ones’ health statuses, and still others blog as a means to make money through ads on their pages.
As for me? I got none of those. Don’t really know the purpose of my blog, which makes it super-hard to 1) know what to write about and 2) justify the amount of energy it takes. (BTW, I’ve decided that it’s no longer the “time” I don’t have to do it: if I can find time to do insane nesting things like clean the cabinet under my sink and scrub my trash can, I can find/make the time. The issue lately has been the energy to do much else besides get dressed [if that] and keep my child dressed, clean, fed, happy and in dry panties [if that]. So many things competing for my energy, and so little of it to go around….wish I could consume more caffeine!).
And lastly, when I do have the time/energy and a topic to blog about, I agonize over the following, “Should I change that word? That sounds stupid. This would be funnier. That would sound smarter. Is this even worthy of mentioning? Is anyone going to read all of this? Geez, this is an awful lot of back-spacing and editing and cutting and pasting, all for a blog (which, BTW sounds a whole lot like “blah” or “blech”, both of which are the adjectives coming to mind to describe this very blog) that doesn’t have much of a point, anyway, and probably no one will read.”
Ahhhh…..insecurity manifested once again in yet another corner of my life! Ooh, and another thing: Adam and I have a strict honesty policy about talking issues w/ each other first, and it has been the glue that holds our marriage together. I could never blog about something without having a conversation with him about it first. Yet another roadblock to freely sitting down to blog.
Zzzzz…….zzzzz……Sorry. I am boring myself to sleep!
Back to the original discussion: why blog? And where do you draw the line between INFORMING others about your life and ENTERTAINING others?
So there it is. I’ll be thinking about the purpose of this blog (besides making fancy little decorations and the handy-dandy list of other peoples’ more-entertaining-than-mine-blogs that I follow—if you followed all the way through the horrible grammar in that sentence fragment, congratulations: we made it through that thought together, just barely), and when I have something that has more actual CONTENT and, you know, interesting things to read, I’ll wait around for another 3 months and then post it.
As a reward for reading this whole thing, here's a picture:
You're welcome.
For some reason, that scene kept sticking with me every time I opened my computer to sit down and write another blog. What was/is my purpose in blogging? I remember reading the first blog I had ever seen and thought, “Holy crap! This person is journaling online! For the whole world to read!” Oh, how times have changed, and people journal online daily. More than that, people subscribe—I subscribe—to people’s “journal entries”, and most of them, I’ve never met! How bizarre, this information age we live in…..
I’ll be the first to admit that there are many bloggers out there who have really cool inspirations for their blogs; my friend Joy blogs about her personal goals that are listed on the sidebar of her blog, several friends I know blog once a week to update their far-off relatives about the highlights of their family’s weeks, some blog to keep the masses of prayer warriors updated on their loved ones’ health statuses, and still others blog as a means to make money through ads on their pages.
As for me? I got none of those. Don’t really know the purpose of my blog, which makes it super-hard to 1) know what to write about and 2) justify the amount of energy it takes. (BTW, I’ve decided that it’s no longer the “time” I don’t have to do it: if I can find time to do insane nesting things like clean the cabinet under my sink and scrub my trash can, I can find/make the time. The issue lately has been the energy to do much else besides get dressed [if that] and keep my child dressed, clean, fed, happy and in dry panties [if that]. So many things competing for my energy, and so little of it to go around….wish I could consume more caffeine!).
And lastly, when I do have the time/energy and a topic to blog about, I agonize over the following, “Should I change that word? That sounds stupid. This would be funnier. That would sound smarter. Is this even worthy of mentioning? Is anyone going to read all of this? Geez, this is an awful lot of back-spacing and editing and cutting and pasting, all for a blog (which, BTW sounds a whole lot like “blah” or “blech”, both of which are the adjectives coming to mind to describe this very blog) that doesn’t have much of a point, anyway, and probably no one will read.”
Ahhhh…..insecurity manifested once again in yet another corner of my life! Ooh, and another thing: Adam and I have a strict honesty policy about talking issues w/ each other first, and it has been the glue that holds our marriage together. I could never blog about something without having a conversation with him about it first. Yet another roadblock to freely sitting down to blog.
Zzzzz…….zzzzz……Sorry. I am boring myself to sleep!
Back to the original discussion: why blog? And where do you draw the line between INFORMING others about your life and ENTERTAINING others?
So there it is. I’ll be thinking about the purpose of this blog (besides making fancy little decorations and the handy-dandy list of other peoples’ more-entertaining-than-mine-blogs that I follow—if you followed all the way through the horrible grammar in that sentence fragment, congratulations: we made it through that thought together, just barely), and when I have something that has more actual CONTENT and, you know, interesting things to read, I’ll wait around for another 3 months and then post it.
As a reward for reading this whole thing, here's a picture:
You're welcome.
Friday, September 11, 2009
Here I am!
Okay, so I realized that I have really STUNK it UP in the blog department lately and have not posted in almost 4 months. Sorry to the millions of you out there who are on the edge of your seats for an update! :) There are good reasons why I've been so quiet lately, but mostly because God has needed me to listen to Him so that He can show me more and more about the beautiful simplicity of life as one of His children. I hope to post more later about the past year or so of my life in the coming weeks. Until then, here's what Eliza has been up to since my last post...
At Emerald Isle with the whole Fam!
She decided that she'd like ALL of the purses. :)
Just cheesin'!
She loved riding the toys without putting money in! Yay!
Revisiting the old days of infant headbands. :)
Clay Center with Nana, Poppaw and the boys.
Playing at a park in Lexington with Daddy, Sonya, Josh and Suzana
Blowing out the candle on her Elmo birthday cake!
Eliza LOVES to dress up in her Dora clothes. : )
First Day of Preschool
A visit with Grandma and Grandpa Kays
At Emerald Isle with the whole Fam!
She decided that she'd like ALL of the purses. :)
Just cheesin'!
She loved riding the toys without putting money in! Yay!
Revisiting the old days of infant headbands. :)
Clay Center with Nana, Poppaw and the boys.
Playing at a park in Lexington with Daddy, Sonya, Josh and Suzana
Blowing out the candle on her Elmo birthday cake!
Eliza LOVES to dress up in her Dora clothes. : )
First Day of Preschool
A visit with Grandma and Grandpa Kays
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Lately I've been unable to remember and funny stories at-length, and instead have snippets of little funnies running through my brain, most of which look something like these, so I'll share them here:
I left Eliza alone for about 3 seconds while preparing for our friend's baby--Alden-- to come over for a visit, and this is that I returned to.
Eliza loves to play in the pillows and blankets when I change the sheets on our bed.
We went to the Cincinnati Zoo with our friends, the Gibsons, and had a blast! Eliza and Suzana are best friends, for sure, and loved playing together!!
All of the incredible flowers were blooming while we were there and were just amazing!
Poor Rachael got pooped on by a bird while we were there--her worst fear!
It would be an understatement to say that Eliza LOVES her new cover-up, and insists that she wear the hood at all times; even at the dinner table!
Eliza came home from a full day at Nana's [Thank you, Mom!!] looking like she walked out of Who-ville! She loves having her hair 'did. :)
More to come....
I left Eliza alone for about 3 seconds while preparing for our friend's baby--Alden-- to come over for a visit, and this is that I returned to.
Eliza loves to play in the pillows and blankets when I change the sheets on our bed.
We went to the Cincinnati Zoo with our friends, the Gibsons, and had a blast! Eliza and Suzana are best friends, for sure, and loved playing together!!
All of the incredible flowers were blooming while we were there and were just amazing!
Poor Rachael got pooped on by a bird while we were there--her worst fear!
It would be an understatement to say that Eliza LOVES her new cover-up, and insists that she wear the hood at all times; even at the dinner table!
Eliza came home from a full day at Nana's [Thank you, Mom!!] looking like she walked out of Who-ville! She loves having her hair 'did. :)
More to come....
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Silly little girl...more random pictures!
What a goofball! If I had a dollar everytime I thought those words to myself...here are some pictures to do justice to what I can't adequately describe:
Eliza, on a cold morning, looking like a wookie from Star Wars! :)
Stomping around and singing loudly!
My poor Poppaw, fishing his model airplane out of a tree....he was trying to entertain my nephews on a cold, windy morning, and this is what came of it.
Can you believe the amount of icing on this cake? I cannot believe it was on the 40% off cart! YUM!
One cool chick!
Wow....lots of dirt going on here...
Eliza loves nothing more than to sit on a very tiny perch. :)
There are just no words for this one....sigh....should probably start breaking this habit soon, instead of laughing, pointing and taking pictures...
More to come soon!
Eliza, on a cold morning, looking like a wookie from Star Wars! :)
Stomping around and singing loudly!
My poor Poppaw, fishing his model airplane out of a tree....he was trying to entertain my nephews on a cold, windy morning, and this is what came of it.
Can you believe the amount of icing on this cake? I cannot believe it was on the 40% off cart! YUM!
One cool chick!
Wow....lots of dirt going on here...
Eliza loves nothing more than to sit on a very tiny perch. :)
There are just no words for this one....sigh....should probably start breaking this habit soon, instead of laughing, pointing and taking pictures...
More to come soon!
Monday, March 30, 2009
Random pictures :)
Recently, I've found myself running for my camera almost every day, hoping to give you all a visual of the simple things that make me laugh, smile, sigh or raise my eyebrows). So here are the first few..
(we were too lazy to button Eliza's onesie under her pants....she looks like she's on her way to Jazzercise. :) )
(Eliza was "helping" me put together her bookshelf and insisted on being in the middle of things, literally. She fit perfectly in one of the cubbies!)
(Eliza was feeling super-silly, and decided to run around with her lovey on her head, picking her nose.)
(For some reason, Eliza likes to sit in this very tiny chair that we were going to throw away until she rescued it from the trash pile.)
(For those of you wondering, that would be dog food in the dog water bowl. A product of Eliza being left alone for 3 seconds.)
More to come later.....
(we were too lazy to button Eliza's onesie under her pants....she looks like she's on her way to Jazzercise. :) )
(Eliza was "helping" me put together her bookshelf and insisted on being in the middle of things, literally. She fit perfectly in one of the cubbies!)
(Eliza was feeling super-silly, and decided to run around with her lovey on her head, picking her nose.)
(For some reason, Eliza likes to sit in this very tiny chair that we were going to throw away until she rescued it from the trash pile.)
(For those of you wondering, that would be dog food in the dog water bowl. A product of Eliza being left alone for 3 seconds.)
More to come later.....
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Am I the Ringleader or the Clown??? Welcome to the Discipline Circus
I always imagined what parenthood would be like, and often dreamed of the day that I’d exact revenge on my parents for unfair punishments by laying down the law with my future offspring. I spent years practicing the lines, “Because I said so,” and “As long as you’re living under my roof,” and the quintessential, compassionate, “Yeah? Well life’s not fair.” Ouch.
Granted, I haven’t had to use that harsh of a tone with Eliza yet—and believe me, I know that day will come all too soon—but these days, that little whipper snapper is testing boundaries like a blind man in a minefield [Okay, I’m laughing at myself for that one….the initial hilarity dies down once you realize how pitiful the scene would actually be! ….]! You would think I’ve never told the child that she cannot stick her fingers in electrical sockets, that it is okay for her to empty the contents of the lazy susan, and that I enjoy chasing after her in public with a not-so-happy face, threatening her in exaggeratedly-slow sentences, her favorite of which is, “Come. Here. Now!”.
I know what you’re saying, “She’s really a good girl; she’s not as bad as others I’ve seen,” and I agree, but I’m just saying…..I’m exhausted from this discipline circus. Case in point:
Yesterday, the spring weather apparently decided to show up—hallelujah!—so we met a friend and her 9 month-old at the park for lunch and a bit of playtime. Like a good mother, I packed her lunch, which included something from all food groups [okay, okay….Oscar Mayer did me a favor and prepared some of this lunch for me….thank you, Lord, for Lunchables!]. I sat Eliza on my lap and proudly looked at the contents of her lunch bag and prepared all of her food—did I mention it was windy, the ground was muddy, our blanket was small, and the 9 month-old friend was now crawling? After two bites of her own food, she turned to my innocent PB &J and demanded some. “Bah? Bah? Bah? Bah?” Should’ve just forgone the desire to have a conversation with my friend at all.
Shortly after I allowed her to attack my lunch and kick almost all of hers on our now-muddy blanket, her interests turn towards the precious baby and his sweet baby toys. Generally, Eliza’s pretty good when it comes to sharing and frequently gets outnumbered and overpowered by her cousins, but takes it in stride. My girl knows when she has the upperhand, though, and refused to allow the poor baby to gnaw on what was rightfully his. [ SO glad Eliza put her hands all over her muddy shoes, in her mouth and all over his chewies. Sorry, Lindsay.]
After many under-my-breath threats of spankings whispered in Eliza’s ear, I decided to put her shoes back on and let her run around while I finished lunch and tried to finish a sentence without having to rope her into submission. What I didn’t see was that she had snatched her lunchbox (which was thankfully zipped shut, but with little ham, cheese and cracker bits flying around inside) and was very quickly out of arm’s reach, running with it and waving it like it was a flag….and dragging it through the grass, while grinding mud into the zipper. Yum. If anyone finds an easy way to clean zippers, please share.
Shortly after, we decided lunchtime was “over,” and started making our way to the car. “Cah cah? Cah cah?” Eliza grabbed my finger and proudly marched towards the car, but at some point, the realization that we were leaving sunk in and she just sat down. In the middle of the road. At lunchtime at a busy park on a beautiful day. Of course I’m toting a ridiculous amount of gear back from the scene of the lunch-time crime and have little flexibility in the extra-hands department. After another promise of a spanking and a firm grip on her arm, Eliza relented and headed to the car, only because in her sights, she could see other kids playing near our parking space. Once we made it to the car, I began my at-least-three-times-a-day frantic search for my keys, dropped most everything on the ground, and put our muddy picnic blanket and my gigantic fountain Diet Coke (one of the few things that bring immediate joy to my day) on the roof of my car.
Eliza once again decided to call my bluff on my spanking-in-public threat (I swear she knows our desire and intent to avoid spanking in public when at all possible)—which she lost. Cue meltdown #2. As an added bonus, the muddy shoe-kicking that ensued left me with a muddy shirt, muddy pants, and sweat in lots of places. As I finished pulling a huge green booger out of Eliza’s nose (you know, from the crying and all…), I collected the rest of my belongings that were scattered ‘round my car, and reached for my blanket (Did I mention it was windy?). I watched, helpless, as the blanket reared up and unfurled itself…..right into my sweet, sweet fountain Diet Coke, that had barely been drunk. After a split-second of mourning for the fallen beverage, my attention turned to keeping it out of the backseat, since the door was still open. I shoved the muddy blanket into the cup’s path and successfully diverted the pop…..onto my muddy pants and shoes. And did I have an audience for the entirety of this scene? You betcha.
As maddening as this experience was, I bow to the level of frustration that occurs to my sister on a curiously-frequent basis, and hope that her stories like this always outnumber mine.
Granted, I haven’t had to use that harsh of a tone with Eliza yet—and believe me, I know that day will come all too soon—but these days, that little whipper snapper is testing boundaries like a blind man in a minefield [Okay, I’m laughing at myself for that one….the initial hilarity dies down once you realize how pitiful the scene would actually be! ….]! You would think I’ve never told the child that she cannot stick her fingers in electrical sockets, that it is okay for her to empty the contents of the lazy susan, and that I enjoy chasing after her in public with a not-so-happy face, threatening her in exaggeratedly-slow sentences, her favorite of which is, “Come. Here. Now!”.
I know what you’re saying, “She’s really a good girl; she’s not as bad as others I’ve seen,” and I agree, but I’m just saying…..I’m exhausted from this discipline circus. Case in point:
Yesterday, the spring weather apparently decided to show up—hallelujah!—so we met a friend and her 9 month-old at the park for lunch and a bit of playtime. Like a good mother, I packed her lunch, which included something from all food groups [okay, okay….Oscar Mayer did me a favor and prepared some of this lunch for me….thank you, Lord, for Lunchables!]. I sat Eliza on my lap and proudly looked at the contents of her lunch bag and prepared all of her food—did I mention it was windy, the ground was muddy, our blanket was small, and the 9 month-old friend was now crawling? After two bites of her own food, she turned to my innocent PB &J and demanded some. “Bah? Bah? Bah? Bah?” Should’ve just forgone the desire to have a conversation with my friend at all.
Shortly after I allowed her to attack my lunch and kick almost all of hers on our now-muddy blanket, her interests turn towards the precious baby and his sweet baby toys. Generally, Eliza’s pretty good when it comes to sharing and frequently gets outnumbered and overpowered by her cousins, but takes it in stride. My girl knows when she has the upperhand, though, and refused to allow the poor baby to gnaw on what was rightfully his. [ SO glad Eliza put her hands all over her muddy shoes, in her mouth and all over his chewies. Sorry, Lindsay.]
After many under-my-breath threats of spankings whispered in Eliza’s ear, I decided to put her shoes back on and let her run around while I finished lunch and tried to finish a sentence without having to rope her into submission. What I didn’t see was that she had snatched her lunchbox (which was thankfully zipped shut, but with little ham, cheese and cracker bits flying around inside) and was very quickly out of arm’s reach, running with it and waving it like it was a flag….and dragging it through the grass, while grinding mud into the zipper. Yum. If anyone finds an easy way to clean zippers, please share.
Shortly after, we decided lunchtime was “over,” and started making our way to the car. “Cah cah? Cah cah?” Eliza grabbed my finger and proudly marched towards the car, but at some point, the realization that we were leaving sunk in and she just sat down. In the middle of the road. At lunchtime at a busy park on a beautiful day. Of course I’m toting a ridiculous amount of gear back from the scene of the lunch-time crime and have little flexibility in the extra-hands department. After another promise of a spanking and a firm grip on her arm, Eliza relented and headed to the car, only because in her sights, she could see other kids playing near our parking space. Once we made it to the car, I began my at-least-three-times-a-day frantic search for my keys, dropped most everything on the ground, and put our muddy picnic blanket and my gigantic fountain Diet Coke (one of the few things that bring immediate joy to my day) on the roof of my car.
Eliza once again decided to call my bluff on my spanking-in-public threat (I swear she knows our desire and intent to avoid spanking in public when at all possible)—which she lost. Cue meltdown #2. As an added bonus, the muddy shoe-kicking that ensued left me with a muddy shirt, muddy pants, and sweat in lots of places. As I finished pulling a huge green booger out of Eliza’s nose (you know, from the crying and all…), I collected the rest of my belongings that were scattered ‘round my car, and reached for my blanket (Did I mention it was windy?). I watched, helpless, as the blanket reared up and unfurled itself…..right into my sweet, sweet fountain Diet Coke, that had barely been drunk. After a split-second of mourning for the fallen beverage, my attention turned to keeping it out of the backseat, since the door was still open. I shoved the muddy blanket into the cup’s path and successfully diverted the pop…..onto my muddy pants and shoes. And did I have an audience for the entirety of this scene? You betcha.
As maddening as this experience was, I bow to the level of frustration that occurs to my sister on a curiously-frequent basis, and hope that her stories like this always outnumber mine.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
I am now officially a Blogger.
So, let’s start off with me telling you, sweet reader, that the occurrences of my life seem anything but blog-worthy. However, after reading the antics and snippets of life from fellow bloggers, I quickly realized that their lives weren’t much different from mine; mostly mommies who are trying to raise children who often push all of their buttons—at the same time, twice—and Christian families who want to share their joys and sorrows with their families.
I remember the first time I understood the concept of a blog, I squinted, and thought, “You mean….it’s like an online diary? Why, oh, why would you ever publish a journal entry, of all things, on the very-public internet? [and before the internet became the social-networking, web-weaving, anyone-can-anonymously-find-anything-about-anyone tool that is now is…] And who would ever have a desire to read about my random musings?” Ha! I’m fairly certain the creators of Blogger, facebook and myspace never imagined the anonymity that fuels their juggernauts would one day make them rich!
One justification for my reluctant submission to Blogger’s beckoning was so that our out-of-town family could keep up to date on what’s happening in our lives. And that is partly true. Okay, totally true: but, it’s not the only reason. I’m not going to bore you or myself with the dissection of my motives, but the bottom line is, “I’m here, and look what I’ve made so far (think kindergarten show-and-tell)!”
Hopefully I’ll have something funny, insightful, helpful or otherwise entertaining to post again soon….until then, it might just be sarcasm and pictures.
I remember the first time I understood the concept of a blog, I squinted, and thought, “You mean….it’s like an online diary? Why, oh, why would you ever publish a journal entry, of all things, on the very-public internet? [and before the internet became the social-networking, web-weaving, anyone-can-anonymously-find-anything-about-anyone tool that is now is…] And who would ever have a desire to read about my random musings?” Ha! I’m fairly certain the creators of Blogger, facebook and myspace never imagined the anonymity that fuels their juggernauts would one day make them rich!
One justification for my reluctant submission to Blogger’s beckoning was so that our out-of-town family could keep up to date on what’s happening in our lives. And that is partly true. Okay, totally true: but, it’s not the only reason. I’m not going to bore you or myself with the dissection of my motives, but the bottom line is, “I’m here, and look what I’ve made so far (think kindergarten show-and-tell)!”
Hopefully I’ll have something funny, insightful, helpful or otherwise entertaining to post again soon….until then, it might just be sarcasm and pictures.
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