Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Not Old, Just Older.....

I just have to say....

Adam and I reached a very sobering moment in our lives this evening. It was 9pm, we were both in our pajamas, and I was folding laundry. Adam was flipping through the channels and left it on American Idol while he went to get a drink (which, by the way, is very often hot tea), so I glanced up at the screen, and blurted, "Who ARE these kids, anyway?" real cynical-like.

But THEN, I realized it: the joke's on ME! I blew off American Idol once Simon left and haven't looked back. But when I DID look back, not only did I not know one contestant, I didn't know any of the songs, nor could I have told you who was going to be in the judges' seats! And since when did Ryan Seacrest's hair get so big?!

Oh, sweet mercy. Then it all started falling apart...I had visions of Mom Jeans heading straight for me, and actually choosing to do most of my shopping at Christopher & Banks (no offense to any of you ladies who frequent there). I mean, really? Does anyone ever HOPE to one day have tastes in clothes that typically are part of a matching set, and almost always include an elastic waistband and some kind of embroidery?

I reminded Adam that he, too, was also susceptible to the ugly reality of aging: in the past year, he's confessed that he not only doesn't enjoy really gory, or superhero-laden movies, but he also hesitates to "go for it" when he plays sports; that the risk of injury is too much! And remember the hot tea in the evening? TEA, people!

By the end of our conversation, though, we had decided that old people may be on to something: think of the freedom of your clothes always being comfortable, never feeling pressure to be trendy (a lost cause by then), and just realizing how the cycle of "stuff" goes (want stuff, save money to buy stuff, spend too much money on the stuff, get bored with stuff, run out of room to put new stuff, give stuff away for free. repeat.). Maybe being old's not so bad...

Oh, Mom Jeans. Please be gentle.....and take your time!

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Here's some things....

I feel like I need to post simply as a courtesy to my sweet friend, Allison, whose picture and read-all-about-me-being-single blog post has been what's welcomed all of you 2 (two) readers for the past year-ish.

So, here are some things, currently:

1). I'm pretty sure that the "scholarships" given to the Miss America pageant winners are waaaayyyy less than the actual amount of money they spent on their gowns/makeup/hair for the pageant itself. Hmm. Tricky.

2). I think we might (might!) make it through this winter without any significant snowstorms at all! Sweet mercy, what a beautiful gift that would be.

3). I haven't left the house in over 48 hours. By choice.

4). I'm wondering how & why we've waited so long to join Netflix. Seriously?! $8/month to pick any shows you want to instantly watch? Sold!

5). My short-term memory is becoming unreliable at an alarming rate......although, how can you really know how bad your memory is, if you never realize what you've forgotten? Chew on THAT one.

6). Our TV schedule is getting a little overwhelming and even keeping up with TiVo is becoming exhausting! We regularly watch New Girl, Modern Family, The Middle, Up All Night, 30 Rock, Parks & Rec, The Office, Survivor, SNL, Curb Your Enthusiasm, and Flight of the Conchords. That's a lot of entertainment, folks.

7). Does anyone watch American Idol anymore? Besides my parents?

8). Weight Watcher-ing starts in the morning! There. Now I'm accountable to all 2 (two) of you readers. :)

9). As soon as I figure out how to use my mom's camera that she permanently loaned to me, I'll post some pictures to jazz this place up a bit.

10). From now on, no proofreading posts: just look for red underlined words, then hit "publish."

Doneso. (Spellcheck underlined that one)

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Who's that girl?

So, here’s the thing:
It goes without saying that I’m not the most regular blogger, and that the content is usually lacking in the excitement department. But if you’ve somehow stumbled across this blog, you’re in for a treat, reader.

Kelly is hosting a link party over at her blog, as part of a Show Us Your Life series, and today’s bloggers are invited to post about their single friends.

[Please read this in the most non-cheesy tone of voice possible]

I met Allison (32 y/o) through my sister, Sarah, who lived in Lexington, KY, and I honestly don’t know one single person like her who has managed to balance both intense devotion to Jesus’ callings worldwide and an attitude of unpretentious living in the US.

Allison’s heart hungered for MORE than a 40-hour work week in the business sector, and MORE than just serving in multiple ministries at her church. God clearly spoke to that hunger and challenged her to get a bit “radical,” sell [most] of her worldly belongings, raise LOTS of money, and take part in a mission experience called The World Race, in 2008. After spending two years traveling the entire world, seeing and experiencing things that could only be described as miracles, and learning how to live with, and manage a large group of people, Allison joined forces with the company that launched the mission team she traveled with. She’s currently a staff member with a mission-launching team in Atlanta, and makes occasional international trips to encourage, support, manage and invest her heart in teams worldwide.


Enough of the facts. :)

Whoops, forgot one more thing: Alli’s salary comes from the fundraising she does through her support network. Which basically = ridiculous faith in God for EVERYTHING, and she makes it look EASY!

Fun stuff:

Alli is quite possibly the most laid-back, hilarious person I’ve ever hung out with. It takes a lot to ruffle the girl’s feathers, and she just doesn’t take life, or herself, too seriously. For the past 3 years, Allison’s spent a week with our family at the beach, and is just so easy to be around—she graciously changes kids’ diapers, cleans up after dinner, keeps the kids entertained, without ever being asked. She has more energy and joy than any grown up I know, and her stories make me laugh until I hurt! Alli loves running, riding horses, Starbucks, and is, a complete goofball who, in general, is always up for ANYthing!

Alli has so much spiritual wisdom that she gladly shares, but never badgers anyone with. She’s covered in grace, patience and love, and is refreshingly honest about her own shortcomings.

I know that the Lord is shaping and preparing a Godly man to share life with her, and who knows—I’m pretty sure God is down with using the Web to make His job a little easier. :) Leave a comment & your contact info!

Saturday, April 16, 2011

This & That :)

Alrighty then, let's get this thing going before I lose my motivation to write and lose any coherent thoughts I'd like to share with The Interweb....


I'm putting off cleaning Eliza's fish bowl in a big way. I'm estimating that 1/2 of the water in the bowl has evaporated, and the other 1/2 is brownish/orange. I cannot figure out how that fish (Dora) is still alive and how it's friend (Boots) bit the dust after only 1 month. Seriously, this fish will not die! Have you ever looked at a fish bowl when you're cleaning it? Don't. Also, go ahead and hold your breath the whole time, too, because it is STANKY. And by the way, goldfish are DISGUSTING: swimming around in, and drinking your own poop-water? Have some self-respect, Dora.

Here's something else: I now have MONO. I always had this image in my head of the word "mono" and it looked something like a person dragging themselves around with giant frowns & bags under their eyes, or someone in the fetal position under the covers. As it turns out, that image is entirely accurate.


As I was falling asleep after getting confirmation that I did, indeed, have mono, the Lord very quickly & gently reminded me (as He always does!) that 1). this 'health issue' was not dangerous or fatal, 2). the remedy for it is REST [hello! awesome!], 3). I am in an incredibly-blessed position of not having to work or be a single parent through this period of time, and 4). I have an amazing husband who truly delights in serving me & the kids. God is so patient with me! How could I possibly complain or whine, when SO many people I know and love are struggling with far greater burdens?

Apparently, though, all of THAT was just God warming up.....

A day or two later, I had a lot of time to think [as it turns out, resting/laying around comes with bunches of that] about my new reality of having to take life a little more slowly. You know when you've had one of those lay-around-all-day-in-your-pjs/don't-do-anything-productive/don't-shower/don't-clean-up kind of days, and you feel disgusting?

What's that now? No, you're NORMAL?


When the idea of me being able to do very little more than what's essential for surviving w/ two little ones settled in as a gloomy idea, God quietly asked me, "Why, Allison? Why is the idea of you doing very little more than what is necessary so depressing for you? Doesn't that 'permission' to relax sound ideal for most? Haven't I provided a loving husband, precious children, hosts of friends & family to support you, a comfortable home, and the freedom to stay home--all creating a gentle environment in which you can recover?"

I was humbled a little more, but still desperately wanted to be able to have some "challenge" to my days, and also fiercely wanted to serve others. To which, the Lord said, "This is your Sabbath rest, Allison. I'll keep the world spinning; your job is to trust me to do My job."

I've struggled for so long with OCD/perfectionism, and I know it all hinges on my inability to fully believe my perfection lies in Christ. God spoke directly to that, saying, "As a human, perfection is impossible. I am perfect, though, and I extend that to you through Jesus. You MUST be satisfied in MY glory; I am fully capable of perfection, and MY plan (which involves your surrendered rest and being served by others) is perfect."

I'm amazed at how deep His mercy is, how vast His grace is, and how deep His love is for me......

How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One,
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocing voice,
Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that helf Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I knoww that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast inJesus Christ
His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Someone Grab A Bucket....

That's right: it's 'blog vomit,' Round Two. Seeing as how my bff Rachael confirmed to me that a) someone other than me reads this blog and b) I am as hilarious as I thought, I decided to stick with a formula that works.

I'm not sure why it's taken me so long to realize this, but Conan is now on at 11pm, which means I will NEVER be forced to watch the local late news again. I know that this blog is read internationally, so for readers who aren't familiar with H-town, the news lineup goes something like this: begin with arrests, drug confiscations, murders, robberies and domestic violence incidents, segue into the failing economy and how many jobs have been lost that day, move on to how horribly unhealthy our state is, and wrap it up with a nice segment on national research studies that show how breathing air may or may not cause cancer and also how every single choice we make in our lives is (possibly) killing us.

Conan is a guarantee WIN compared to local news (and 98% of other 11pm programming).

I really, really, really stink at sewing. Although I'm blaming tonight's frustration and poor outcomes on my mom's cranky sewing machine. Seriously? There's wayyyyyy more than enough attitude in this house coming from my kids. I sure don't need it coming from a machine that is--hello!--replaceable. Although, I think all of the hand-stitching I had to do is the culprit behind the intermittent numbness in my left index finger.

I think I'd love to sleep for approximately 3.2 days, straight. Not only would I be more rested than EVER, I would probably also lose weight, I'd have an insane amount of energy, and I could avoid having to plan/make/serve/clean up 3 days' worth of meals. However, I'm pretty sure it would look like our house exploded if Adam was taking care of the kids for 3 straight days. After 2 hours of him alone with them, I can usually see 2% of the hardwood floors in my house, and generally neither kid is still fully clothed.

I love my Sunday School class.

I'm so tired--I think I'll try going to bed at the same time the kids do tomorrow night.....which means I'll probably be awake at 4am; at which point you'll probably find another delightful post much like this. Get excited, y'all

The end.

PS Why is the show called "Tosh.0"? Anyone?

PPS Is Daniel Tosh gay or not? Does anyone REALLY know for sure? (And don't check Wikipedia, because it's not decisive on the matter; I already checked it.)

PPPS Which reminds me.....someday, I'd like to edit an article on Wikipedia just for fun. According to Michael Scott, "Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject. So you know you are getting the best possible information." So wise. :)

Monday, March 14, 2011

Stream of Consciousness

I thought about titling this post "Blog Vomit" but I thought that might be a little strong for the 2 readers of my blog. But I think it's probably more accurate for what's about to happen in this post. I'm really tired of THINKING I need to blog, but just putting it off until I have the time and energy (and a half-decent idea for the content) at the same time. So, watch it comes.....random thoughts, being spewed, if you will, out of my brain and on to the Interweb. Should be exciting.....

It hurts to breathe right now. And swallow. I should probably just go to bed, but seeing as how I slept 2 hours during the kids' naps and then slept another hour after coming home from the doctor (oh, right: and the THREE 32-oz. diet cokes I had today--seriously, that's the only thing that helped my sore throat. Get off me.), I don't think I'll be sleeping until next week. But if I stay awake, I'm going to have to eat something. Everything hurts to eat, though, and the food is WAYYYYY over there in the kitchen. Think I'll just sit here and watch another episode of House Hunters...

Everyone in our house is on antibiotics except for Adam, who is scheduled to have surgery on Wednesday. Hope he stays healthy until then...

Something smells like baby puke somewhere near me.....last night when I smelled something funky, it turned out to be me. Sorry, world: I don't shower every 24 hours. But apparently I should aim for something closer to that number.

Laundry is torturous. WHY do you keep harassing me, Laundry? Go away, Laundry. Forever. Can't wait till the kids are old enough to carry laundry baskets down the steps. I'll start on training them tomorrow.

I think it's funny to look at little kid toys that have smiling faces, and see them strewn all over the floor, all dejected-like. I feel like that if they could talk, they'd say, "Don't believe this smile on my face. I'm hurting inside! Look at me! I've been violated by a 12 month-old and left under the TV!" Kind of like Toy Story 3, where the toys get abused and are all upset about it.

Did you ever notice how many voice overs Tim Allen and John-what's-his-name (the dad from Roseanne) do? Also, do you all like to try & determine if the person's voice in a commercial is someone famous? (And of course, when I say "you all," I mean "you two").

I've never been to Fat Patty's. I hope to fix that soon. Crap. I'm hungry again.....better go dig around for some applesauce....

The end.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

....Because I Love to Laugh Until it Hurts

There are fewer things in this life that make me happier than laughing at people making fools out of themselves. Mostly because I'm SO glad I'm not the only one screwing up publicly left and right!

Anyway, YouTube has to be one of the things I am most grateful to have in this wonderful Information/Technology Age, because it gives people like me access to watch endless amounts of falling down and/or sticking feet in mouths. :)

Over the years, my favorites have been piling up, and I've been meaning to post a Top 10 list somewhere on The Internets to share with y'all and save you the time of digging around or waiting on someone to send you a link to a viral video to make your day. And here we are, in no particular order:

1. My Name is John Daker
2. But...he's gay!
3. Miss America
4. Worst Olympic Trial Ever
5. Model Falls Down
6. Auto Tune the News
7. Baby Talking at Dinner
8. Guy Sings 5 Octaves
9. Pinky the Cat
10. Scarlet Takes a Tumble
11. The Way

PS You should be aware that if you are pregnant, or otherwise have a full bladder, it's in your best interest to use the bathroom before viewing these videos.